


Repentance

by ai_sana



Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/F, POV Second Person, Pining, Spoilers for Green Jasper Diviners and Arc 2, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like Sakurako's gf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29173587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_sana/pseuds/ai_sana
Summary: Shizuka asked Sunao out.
Relationships: Tokime Shizuka/Kureha Yuna (one-sided), Tokime Shizuka/Toki Sunao (one-sided)
Kudos: 7





	Repentance

“Do you love her?” You asked her once.

“L-love her?” She gasped in disgust. “Of course not. I despise her!”

“Is that so…” You tried to conceal your relieved sigh.

“Indeed. I don’t love her! I don’t even like her, at all.”

“Who do you love, then…?”

“I love my mother, and my late father. I love my friends, all of them, and my allies too. And you…” She hesitated for a while. “I love you.”

“…Me…?”

“Yes, you,” she nodded. “Say… Would you please go out with me?”

“Go… out with you?” It felt surreal, as if it’s a dream. Not a sweet, pleasant dream, but a horrible nightmare. You had always prayed for this day to come, but when it finally did, a sense of dread sucked the air out of your lungs. There was a sensation of suffocation, as if you were being drowned in the deep green river. “W-why?”

“Why not? It’s because I love you.”

Her innocent, clear pupils stared straight into your eyes. You looked at her sadly. What did she know about love?

You sighed, but took her hand and held it tight. Grinning with joy, she pulled you into a big hug. You forced a smile, feeling deeply sick in your stomach. How could you agree to it? How could you do this to her?

The deed was already done, no matter how much you regretted it. With your filthy hand, you stained what was once pure. You were but a selfish and disgusting soul, as you always had been. You took advantage of her love for you…

Soon you realized that she did not love you. Not like that. You were merely her precious friend, nothing more, nothing less. You did not blame her, of course. It was not her fault. She didn’t understand what “romance” was. She thought she was in love with you, but that was not true.

(Plus, it was only fair. Who could’ve loved you? Not her, certainly not her. You were not nearly worthy for her love.)

Naturally, you did not break things with her. You wanted her to be happy. If she thought that what she wanted was for you to be her sweet, loving girlfriend, then that was what you would do for her.

(It was nothing selfless, you knew deep down. What you truly wanted was her affection and love. And maybe, just maybe, her purity could become your redemption…)

* * *

It took a bit longer for you to come to another realization, that her heart already belonged to someone else.

“Do you love her?” You asked again. The look on her face as she was clutching the picture of that girl was passion, fiery passion…

“No, no!” She shook her head vigorously, and suddenly burst into tears. “I hate her! For her, I feel nothing other than unadulterated disgust and pure loathing!”

Furiously, she tore the picture into pieces and burned it in the fireplace.

“Damn her…” She sighed with great relief as she watched the fire grow. She wiped away her tears. “Why are you like this? I told you before, I don’t love her. Never did, and never will!”

You silently looked away. The way she looked at that picture, the way she would never look at you…

“Look at me,” after taking a deep breath, she grabbed your hands with force. “I love you, alright? I don’t love anyone other than you. We grew loving each other, and there’s nothing that could break us apart.”

You said nothing.

“You know, like in all those stories we’ve read with each other?” She continued earnestly, “I’m a proud heroine who would sacrifice herself for her country, she’s nothing but the despicable villain who dies by the end, and you… you’ll be my one true love…”

(…Was that speech meant to convince herself as well as to convince you…?)

Her innocent, clear pupils stared straight into your eyes. You looked at her sadly. What did she know about love?

“Do you… not love me…?” Her hesitant voice broke the silence.

“Why? Of course I do.” That was nothing short of the truth. You loved her, you loved her so much that you could hardly bear looking at the sadness and frustration on her face.

“Then together, let’s forget about her…” The look in her eyes turned wild as it had never been. “Forget about things that put our hearts to distress…” You felt her lips on yours. “Heal me… Love me…”

* * *

At last, you understood.

She couldn’t bear to even consider the possibility that she might be in love with that girl. An act of distraction and self-deception, that was what this nonsense of a relationship truly is.

Naturally, you chose to go along with it.

As long as she is happy, you will be happy too. Won’t you?

(“Your hairband is beautiful,” she mumbled, half-asleep, caressing your loose hair lovingly.)

This is your repentance.

She is your repentance.

If she could forgive you for what you’ve done, how could you not allow her to deceive herself? Just let her delude herself into thinking that she loved you, and maybe one day you’ll be deluded into thinking the same thing…

Won’t that be a perfect happily ever after?

* * *

There is still one thing you do not get. “Why me? Why would she choose someone like me? Why not someone else?”

“Oh please, don’t get any self-gratifying ideas…” whispers the nasty little voice in the back of your head, “How is it not obvious to you? Think. Think with your ugly broken heart.”

“No…” You gritted your teeth, but it was no use.

“It’s simple, really. It’s because you taste like blood,” giggles the little voice, “just like her one true love…”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I wrote this kind of story, since I usually write in 3rd person POV.
> 
> ShizuYuna is one of my MagiReco OTPs, but I've always liked ShizuSuna as well. I once thought of how Yuna and Sunao are character foils in the way that Sunao wants to wash her hands clean from the bloodstains of her past, while Yuna wants the exact opposite. Thus I eventually ended up with something like this...
> 
> I'm sorry, Sunao...


End file.
